Letters to Ramón the Mink of Love
Having trouble with the Love? Lost the Passion in your life? I am Ramón the Mink of Love, and my minkly wisdom has helped hundreds! Click here to be writing to me now!
Dear Ramón,
I was at a work party at my boss's house last week, and I hooked up
with one of the interns. We went back into the garage to get to know
each other, but it turns out that everyone could see us through one
of the windows. Now, everyone thinks I'm easy. What can I do?
Love,
"Mortified in Memphis"
Dearest Mortified,
What can you be doing? You can be taking advantage of the situation!
You are being young, and there is no time like the present!
Trystishly,
Ramón the Mink of Love
Dear Ramón,
My roommate is a total slob. The worst is that he's always leaving
condom wrappers, empty lube bottles, and stains all over the
house. I need to clean up because my parents are staying over
next week, but I don't know if I can get him to be neater. Help!
Love,
"Messy in Maine"
Dearest Messy,
The answer, it is to be giving your entire house the Theme of Love.
Put out the bowls of prophylactics on every table. Hide the
bottles of the Lubricant in the cupboards and drawers. Hang the
pink fuzzy handcuffs over every doorway, and dangle the brassieres
over the light fixtures. That way, your parents will never be noticing
the odd extra wrapper that your roommate has been discarding.
Decorishly,
Ramón the Mink of Love
Dear Ramón,
I just found out that my boyfriend of two years has been secretly
videotaping our lovemaking, then showing his friends and posting it online.
How can I be getting him back for this betrayal of trust?
Love,
"Exposed in Edinburgh"
Dearest Exposed,
The modern day photo-editing tools, they are being capable of anything.
Get one of the videos, and with just a little time you will have the
film of your boyfriend Making Love to George Bush, or to Mr. T, or to
Gollum...
Videoliciously,
Ramón the Mink of Love
Dear Ramón,
I was at a frat party last night and I got really drunk. I know I had
sex with someone there, because I found the condom in my purse, but I
have no idea who it was. How can I figure it out?
Love,
"Querying in Queens"
Dearest Querying,
The answer, it is a simple one. Have you ever been hearing the story
of Cinderella?
Grimmly,
Ramón the Mink of Love
