Turned On by Telephony
The telephone, it is ubiquitous in the modern life. We are using it to call the Lovers, to be Seducing the new ones, and to be saying farewell to the old ones. However, there is so much more that the Savvy Lover can be doing with the phone! With a little knowledge, you may be easily increasing the Passion in your life! Allow me, Ramón the Mink of Love, to be demonstrating.You may not be knowing it, but your telephone service, it is probably already having many features which can help be making you the more successful Lover. For example, what if your Paramour is not answering your calls? You can easily be blocking the caller ID by pressing the *67 in the United States, the 141 in the United Kingdom, and the other codes in the other countries! This way you may be calling the True Love over and over until he or she is Acquiescing to the Amorous Advances.
There are also other codes, that are varying by region, to help you in the other ways. Are you needing the escape route from the suspicious girlfriend? Use the call back feature, and when the phone rings you can be pretending that it is the family emergency! Have you just woken up in the strange bed? Find the telephone and enter the right code, and they will be telling you immediately from what number you are calling. And of course most of us know about the Telephone Love, but how about the Telephone Ménage À Trois? Just press the Flash, call the second number, and press the Flash again! Even better, the other people may be repeating this process, giving to you the Telephone Orgy!
How are you dealing with the solicitors when they are calling? Of course, I am not referring here to the Good kind of Solicitation, that you might be getting from the lady in the short pink dress on the downtown corner at the three of the morning. I am talking about the people who are wishing to be selling you the car insurance or the ostrich waxer or the whatever and whatnot. But you should be remembering that every call, it is the chance for Love! Start slowly—they will be less likely to be saying no. For example, when the young man is asking you if you can be taking the short survey, ask if instead you can be Surveying him! Ask him what he is wearing, if he is having the girlfriend, and how big his Package is being. Soon you will be engaged in the outright Telephone Lovemaking, without his boss being any the wiser!
But what if the telemarketer calls just aren't coming in like they used to? Perhaps you were foolish enough to be signing up for some silly do-not-call list. No matter, for you can be making your own Calls of Love! First you will need to be buying one of those automated robo-callers that the telemarketers are always using. Get it to be calling all of the numbers in your area with the prerecorded message of you Seducing the person on the other end. Try something like this: “Your skin, it is Soft and Creamy, like the ocean's surf Caressing the sun-baked Caribbean island. Your eyes, they are like the Deep Pools of Fire in which a Thousand Men have drowned. Your scent, it is Sweet and Musky, and I am Enflamed to Paroxysms just being near to it! Press one now to be Making Love to me!” Soon you will be having more Telelovers than you can be counting! And do not be worrying about the do-not-call lists. After all, your Amorous Activities, they are the non-profit charity!
Of course, for all of these Services you must be dealing with the Phone Company. And although the company might be large and obnoxious, you should be remembering that its employees are the human beings too, with the Wanton Wants and the Dirty Desires. Include little notes of Love on your phone bill, and the Sketches of Lust. Tell them to be calling you—after all, they are already having your number. Even better, include the Naked Photograph of yourself, with the invitation for them to be Reaching Out and Touching you. You will be Glad you did. If you are establishing the Relationship with the Phone Company, you might even be able to be trading them the Favors for the phone service. After all, why should you be using so pedestrian a system as the money-based economy? With the Love-based system, none ever need be cold or lonely again!
And of course, you need to be Getting to Know your telephone repairman. The Phone Company is unique in that they will be sending you the Hot Stud day or night, ostensibly to be repairing the phone service. Find the telephone box on the outside of your house, and find the clever ways to be causing the frequent breakdowns. For example, you could be coating the entire box in the water-based Lubricant, causing the wires to short. Or you could be gluing the Personal Massager to the inside, causing the entire box to be Vibrating! Either way, be sure to be leaving the note telling where to be finding you. Soon he will be knocking on the door, looking to be Testing your Wires.
There is so much that you can be doing with the phone service. This humble mink hasn't even begun to be telling what you can be doing with the fax machines, the vibrating mobile phones, or the “naked DSL.” No matter—with a little of the Experimentation, you can be discovering these Joys for yourself!♥
