Lifting Off with the Liquids of Love
I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am angry. Of course, it hardly needs the saying that I am angry in the most Loving and Passionate of ways. But nevertheless, I am feeling much of the anger. The authorities of the airports have decided that a simple, harmless mink such as myself cannot be taking the liquids onto the plane. For me, Ramón the Mink of Love, this is the very large problem. The majority of my luggage, it is the Lubricants and the Spermicidal Gels and the Sensuous Oils for the Massaging. Why, on the Good day I may be using the whole barrels full of these items! How can I be limiting myself to the three ounces? And I cannot be leaving this behind, nor can I be checking it in my luggage—it is important that I am having it for my Activities in Flight. And I must be traveling often, for I am having many Lovers in the different locales around the world. How then is the humble mink to cope?
Fortunately, there are many holes in the security through which the Devoted Lover may be Slipping, ranging from the Sneaky and Cunning, to the Outrageous and Ostentatious. This month, I intend to be sharing them with you. This way you, too, may become the Outlaw of Love!
The easiest way to be getting the liquids through the security is of course to be slathering it all over the body before you are entering it. Of course, this can be being problematic. You will be having the tendency to be dripping and to be leaving footprints. You may also be unable to be maintaining the balance, slipping and sliding everywhere. (Though I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am thoroughly approving of the Slipping and the Sliding, I am suggesting that you are doing it on the Lover, and not on the airport floor.) And of course there is the matter of the liquids drying out. Fortunately, there are better ways to be going about this.
One good idea is to be Secreting the Precious Liquid Goodness upon the person. If you are the Woman, this is easily done by hiding the two plastic bags within the extra large brassiere. The Man can instead be hiding the bag within his pants. No one will be looking twice—they will simply see the Beautiful, Well-Endowed person walking by them, and not the evil terrorist. Why, I have been using this technique to be sneaking whole pints of the Lubricant past the security people. As the added benefit, this will be Attracting even more potential paramours once you are past the checkpoint. Beware though, for if you are not careful you may Pop.
If this is not to your liking, you may decide to be hiding the liquids within the body cavities. This may be Giving you the Unique Titilation as you are going through security, to be Filled with the Forbidden Fluids as they are Patting you Down. The only downside to this approach is that you must make sure not to be waddling or otherwise walking funny as you are moving through the metal detector. The airports, they are filled with people whose job it is to investigate the various holes of people's bodies. And though I admit that it may be fun to Take one of them on, Arousing their Suspicions will make it harder for you to be Making Love to the flight attendants later.
There is also a way that you may be sneaking the Luscious liquids through security in the plain sight. It is well known that the ban is having the medical exception—you need merely have the doctor's prescription for the necessary medicine. It is most easy to be hiding the Gels and Creams within the bottles for the insulin or the blood clotting factor. And fortunately, the prescriptions are most easy to forge. I myself am having several prescriptions from my Fabulous Physicians of Fornication, a Dr. Jane Connubialis and a Dr. Bob Delectatio—and no one has known the difference! If they are suspecting you, you need merely fake the attack of whatever Ailment you are claiming, and ask the security personnel to be Playing Doctor upon you. If you are preferring the more honest approach, simply inform the agents that you are “suffering” from the Chronic Nymphomania, and that you are in need of the Special Prescription Lubricants in case you are having the Attack.
Another option is to simply be Coming to the Understanding with the security guards. After all, these people are trapped within the awful job, forced to spend all of the day intruding upon the other people and confiscating their fluids. But are they not the Living Creatures too, with the same Needs and Desires as the rest of us? More than once, I have been Offering my Love in exchange for the Unmolested Passage through the security station. Believe me, you have not been experiencing the Love until you have had the Radioactive Love, within bowels of the x-ray machine! You have not Felt Passion until you have Felt the metal detector wand doing the Forbidden things inside you! But I digress—suffice to say, you may be finding the Way through the checkpoint with only your Animal Lusts. Be careful though, for the Love can be Explosive.
Keep in mind that you need not limit yourself to the security personnel. The mechanics, the pilots, the flight attendants, and all the ground crew may be finding ways to be sneaking in your Libidinous Liquids. And often they are knowing other Secrets as well: how to be Making Love in the cargo hold, how to be using the engine grease as the Personal Lubricant, or how to find the New Lovers in the far corners of the world! Even if you are already getting the more than the three ounces through security, be sure to be Exploring these people.
Whether or not you are managing to Smuggle the Sweet Syrups through security, this humble mink is finding it sad that today we are mistake our Lovers for the evildoers. The Love, it is not evil, and the Purveyors of Passion should not be punished for the proclivities of partisans. But, as they say, we must be dealing with the world in which we live, not that we want. Therefore, I, Ramón the Mink of Love, finish by issuing a call to all the scientists the world over. Invent for us a new Lubricant that is not the liquid. Make us a spermicide that is a solid, or a gas. For remember, if we are not allowed to Love in the Air, then the terrorists shall have won!♥
