Pirates of Passion
Arrrr, mateys! September the nineteenth, it is official Talk Like a Pirate Day!But the pirate's language is often unintelligible to the uninitiated. And so, so that you too may be celebrating this most Carnal of holidays, I Ramón the Mink of Love present to you my guide on how to be Talking Like the Pirate. Practice the phrases below, and remember to be using the best low, throaty piratey voice that you can. So when the pirate is coming up to you and saying, “Yo ho ho, me little bilge rat. Let us be explorin' Davy Jones' Locker for the tools to be shiverin' yer timber,” you'll be knowing exactly the proper response!
- Arr General cry of the intense Emotion or Release. Pirates are a Passionate folk, and are using this term often. The barracks of any pirate ship are filled with this cry all the night long. Arr! Oh, aye. Arrrrrrr!
- Avast Especially Large or Well Endowed. Avast sailors are always in the particularly high demand. Aye, her knockers were avast! They were almost bowlin' me over!
- Aye Positive or affirmative. Used especially in the midst of the Love. Aye. Aye! Oh, God, aye!
- Bilge Any of the various fluids that are produced during the Lovemaking. On board the ship, they are having the tendency to all run toward the lowermost deck, also called the bilge. Arrr, at the end of the night, the bunk 'twas swamped with bilge.
- Bilge Rat One who is especially Liking or Drawn to the bilge. Come here ye little bilge rat, and we'll see what we can be pumpin' from me depths.
- Booty The hips and rear end, especially of the woman. Aye, she's got a fine booty on her, she does.
- Bung Hole Any of the orifices, on either men or women, used during the Act of Love. Arr, yer bung hole be leakin'. Let us see what we can be fillin' it with!
- Davy Jones' Locker A chest kept near the bed, filled with the Implements of Love. Davy Jones was a particularly skilled piratical Lover known for his extensive use of the Toys. Arr, let us be seein' what can be found in me Davy Jones' Locker.
- Grog Any of the usually brightly colored alcoholic drinks which pirates are so enjoying. Typically the even mixture of grain alcohol and fruit juice, with the pineapple chunks and the little paper umbrella added. Aye, me sweet. Let us be getting' some grog in ye, and see what ye'll be willin' to do then.
- Jolly Roger The Male Organ in its Aroused state. Also used of a pirate in possession of such an implement. Come here, me pretty! Me roger's gone all jolly just lookin' at ye!
- Keelhaul To Pleasure the jolly roger manually. The keel was originally the large wooden spar running through the center of the hull. Arr! There weren't nobody on that deserted island. I had to resort to haulin' me own keel!
- Landlubber One who unfortunately has not been Inducted into the Arts of the Physical Passion. Luckily they are very rare on the pirate ship, and are soon cured. What? She ain't a landlubber, is she?
- Long John One with the particularly Gifted jolly roger. Arr, I took that Long John last night, and now I'll be walkin' funny for a week.
- Long John Silver A long john with the penchant for piercings. Did ye see that Long John Silver in port? I did not know ye could be doin' that with a pirate hook!
- Matey Term of affection for the Lover, or simply someone that one wishes were a Lover. Aye, matey! Let us weigh anchor and set sail for Love!
- Piece of Eight The group Love with eight people. Pirates are a superstitious lot, and any group of fewer than eight people is thought to be unlucky. Arr, we just be needin' two more in our crew, and we can be havin' ourselves a Piece of Eight!
- Powder Monkey One who is enjoying the Games of Love involving the fire or gunpowder. Most common among a ship's gunners. Aye, I took that cute little powder monkey last night, but she was insistin' on bringin' the cannon with her to bed!
- Salty Dog One whose personal flavor is strongly salty. Comes from a long life of living on the sea. Aye, he's such a salty dog that I had to be drinkin' a whole barrel of water after he came, just to be gettin' the taste out of me mouth!
- Scallywag A derogatory term
for someone's less than stellar Manhood. Ye be wantin' that mate?
Why? His scallywag be limper than a jellyfish!
- Shiver the Timber To use the frozen implements during the Act of Love. And when ye hast gotten back with the ice, ye can be shiverin' me timber!
- Thar She Blows Exclamation uttered upon Climax. The connection to the whale's blowhole spurting is obvious. Arr, god! Thar she blows!
- Walk the Plank Old piratical method for fixing the male dysfunction, involving the small wooden board and the length of twine. Not often needed for the True Lover, but sometimes fun for its own sake. Aye, I was so embarrassed. After six hours I had to be walkin' the plank to keep goin'.
- Yo Ho Ho A polite greeting often used when meeting a woman. Yo ho ho, me dear. How have ye been doin'? Is yer family all well?
Read over these examples until you are memorizing all of them. With a little luck, you too will be plundering some booty on this Talk Like a Pirate Day!♥
