Hot Hints for Halloween
What will you be doing on this All Hallow's Eve? Will you be out turning Tawdry Tricks? Seeking the Tempestuous Treats? Perhaps you will be going on the pub crawl, or attending the Masked Orgy? Or, as is sadly common, will you be staying at home twiddling the thumbs (when there are so many other things that could be Twiddled instead)? Is the All Hallow's Eve being just another day? Have you run out of the ideas? Fortunately, I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am here for you! I have been asking the young people how they have been spending this most Frightful and Fervid night. Here is what they have been saying.Studd* and his girlfriend Chiffon are preferring to be spending the evening at the local watering hole. “A lot of bars are having drink specials that night if you're in costume, which is great! I usually dress up as a Chippendale dancer or some other kind of stripper. By the end of the night I'm usually drunk, naked, and lying on somebody's table making out with some hot chick.” Of course, Chiffon is never being far from Studd's mind. “Chiffy's usually off doing her own thing with some guy, but we all meet up again at the end of the night to top it all off with a foursome!”
If you're the kind of person who'd rather stay at home, you can do what Fifi does every year: throw a big Halloween party! “My boyfriend and I have a big house, so we set up every room with a different scary theme. There's the bondage room with its whips and handcuffs, the haunted room with its ghosts and spiders, and the Egyptian tomb with mummies and sarcophagi. My favorite though is the lube room, where we take out all the furniture, replace the light with a blacklight, coat the walls and floor with plastic sheets, and hose everything down with baby oil! Then we just put the bowl of condoms by the front door, turn up the seventies porn soundtrack, and let everyone get to work!”
Or maybe you are wanting to get away from the city, like Lynnette did last year. “A girlfriend convinced me to go to this farm out on the outskirts of town, where they had a corn maze and a hay ride. The corn maze was okay—we made out with a few cute boys in the dead ends. But the real fun was the hay ride. You've heard of rolls in the hay? We started kissing each other in the back of the wagon in order to give everybody a good show. Well one thing leads to another, and soon everybody there was all doing it with each other!” But wasn't the driver of the cart catching on to the Rambunctious Rocking? “I think the old farmer who was driving must have been deaf, because he just kept going and picking up more people. So all of us hid at the bottom of the cart. And as soon as the new people settled down, everybody burst out and dragged them into the fun!”
If you want to be staying close to your neighborhood, maybe you could be finding the local haunted house like Nash and his boyfriend Stryker. “A few years ago we found this haunted house in the basement of a church that's down the street. It turns out that it was one of those ‘hell houses,’ where they try to convince you that you're a bad person who needs Jesus, and all that stuff. Well, we just started snogging right next to all these demons torturing some poor sinner. It was great! The guys in charge kept trying to get us to move on, but by then we were so turned on that we had sex right then and there, in the middle of Hell! We still go back every year!” But have the things been changing over the years? “Sure. These days, we know everybody by name! And we even got the closeted minister to join us later for some fun!”
So what will you be doing this All Hallow's Eve? Just use the imagination! With a little ingenuity and a lot of Passion, you will not be spending this night alone.♥
* Names have been changed.
