Pointers for the Promiscuous Prom
Now it is the Season of the Prom. These formal dances for the new graduates are being the Important Event in the life of the young men and women. After all, they are leaving their schools behind! They are being the grown men and women now, and putting the trappings of childhood behind them. It is no surprise that many of these young adults are finally ridding themselves of that most cursed bit of juvenilia, the Virginity. But attending the Prom is taking much planning and much effort. Fortunately for you, I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am here to be helping.First, how shall you be paying for the Prom? After all, as Glorious and Wonderful as these events are, they are not being cheap. The ballrooms and the dresses and the musicians are all costing money, and now more than ever, that is hard to be coming by. Fortunately, this humble mink is having the perfect suggestion: the Virgin-a-thon! Everybody is knowing that many of the young men and women are losing that last vestige of innocence on the Prom night. Why not be turning it into the fund raiser? Get people to be pledging you: the parents, the family, the minister, even the random strangers on the street! If everybody is agreeing to be paying you the five or ten dollars for every Virgin you are Deflowering, you will be paying for the entire Affair in no time!
Now that you are funded, it is time to be finding the right Prom date. Out of all the people at your school, which one should you be asking to the Prom? That's easy: the one who is most likely to be Sharing the Quivering Love Meat with you. Maybe it's the guy who was Leering at you Lustfully from across the lunch table. Maybe it's the cheerleader who has already been Sleeping with the whole football team. Or maybe it's that geek from the chess club who would be so Grateful that he would be Performing any Act with you, no matter how Depraved. Gals, do not be afraid to be asking the guys out. After all, when it is your very Satiation at stake, you cannot afford to be falling back on the tradition.
Now, how to be acquiring the Proper Attire? For the young lady, this is not the problem. Any department store will be having the vast selection of the Prom Dresses. However, there are a couple of things you should be bearing in mind while shopping. First, the more skin you are showing, the more Love you are likely to be Receiving. The plunging necklines, the the short skirts, and the bare midriffs are all standard. You should be choosing the dress as if you were shopping for the summer beach wear! And remember, that the dresses are all made not to go with the underwear. The bra will only be getting in the way of the strapless dresses with the bare backs. And wearing the panties will only keep you from being Fluffy and Spry, and will be adding the awkwardness to the Encounters in the bathroom stalls, the car back seats, and the supply closets. So go without! You'll be happy that you did.
For the men, the problem of attire is being substantially more complex. Today's tuxedo is being the most complicated garment you have ever been wearing! It is full of the random hooks, ties, eyelets, buttons, and cumberbunds that no sane tailor would ever be putting into the clothing. Fortunately, the modern technology has been giving us the solution to all this nonsense: the velcro! When you are first acquiring the tuxedo, you will need to be cutting it down the seams in the back of the jacket, down the sides of the shirt, and in the sides of the pants. Never mind if it is only the rental—no clerk will be minding the Improvements you are making to the garment. Fasten it all back together with the velcro, and you are having the fast-removal formal attire! With the quick yank at the collar, the whole article will be falling at the feet. Then, there will be nothing to keep you from the Loving!
Both the men and the women will be needing to accessorize generously. The large earrings, the massive necklaces, and the corsage that could kill a small child are all being the excellent places to be hiding the contraband to which the school principal might object. I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am personally owning the boutonnière with the secret compartment for hiding the prophylactics. After all, many schools these days are checking all purses and bags at the entrance, to be making sure that you are not bringing anything Naughty. But if you have been planning ahead, these cold and passionless people will not be finding anything that is being incriminating. And if all else is failing, you can just be strapping the hip flask to the inside of the thigh. Very few officials are doing the full frisk (even when you are asking!), so this should not be being the problem.
Now that you're in, what should you be doing? Many people will be telling you that the Prom is all about the Dancing...but most of the Dancing you'll be doing will be of the Horizontal kind. Scope out all the little nooks and crannies around the room...and not just the ones in your fellow Prom-goers. There will be the tons of places for the Making of Love: beneath the stage, behind the sound board, under the punch table. You'll have the busy night in front of you if you are wishing to be fulfilling all of the pledges you have been making for the fund raising.
But what about the photographs? Many people, they are wanting the memento of this occasion that they can be treasuring forever. In the old days, people were paying some photographer hundreds of dollars to be making the snapshot of you and your date in front of the cheesy backdrop. Well, no more. Now that every mobile phone is having the built-in camera, you can be taking the photographs wherever you are going. After all, there are so much more important events that that photographer will never be seeing. And if you are losing your Virginity this night? This is a moment that you will be remembering for the rest of your life, and yet almost no one has a picture of this most Special of moments. Why not take the video of that first moment of the Awakening, to be Cherishing with your kids and your grandkids in the years to come!
The Prom, it is the Important time in the life of any young man or woman. With the little forethought, it can be that Special Night to which you are always thinking back with the Joy and the Nostalgia. Why not be signing this minkly Prom Promise, to be Ensuring the Good Time?
I, ___________, hereby promise to behave Lustfully and Wantonly before, during, and after the Prom. I want to Live. I want to laugh, listen to the great music, and Share myself with my friends. I will drink heavily, and Make Love to anyone who is Desirous of it, because I care about my fellow students, my community, and myself. This I solemnly swear, so help me Ramón.
Have the great Prom, everybody!♥
