Meeting the Marvelous Men
This month, I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am writing the special column just for the women. Is it ever seeming that everyone you know is having the Serious Significant Other? Does it seem that the only single men left are all either gay, or creeps that you would never be dating in a million years? Are you frustrated that you will never be finding that Macho Mister who will be filling your nights with his Monumental Mess of Man Meat? Fear not, for this month your humble mink will be writing about how you can be Finding the Man!In order to be attracting the Man, first you must be Learning to be Understanding him. At heart, he is the Kind and Sensitive soul for whom you are looking. However, he has been trained since the birth to be covering this up. He must be knowing how to be Fixing the Plumbing, how to be Tracking the Mammoth through the subzero snowstorms, and how to be Wielding the Rapier with both the Style and the Panache! However, if you are learning too about these Manly things, it might be the excellent conversation starter. Next time you are in the bar or the pub, go up to the Studly Stranger and be asking him to be regaling you with the stories of the last saber-toothed tiger that he was bringing down. I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am guaranteeing that the Ice will be Broken immediately.
You must be understanding that the Men are liking the Hunt. If he is thinking that you are Pursuing him, he will be backing off. However if you are giving him the Thrill of the Chase, then your Love will be reaching the New Peaks of Ecstasy. But how can you be Hunting the Hunter without him becoming aware of it? You must be using all of your skills of the trickery and the deception. One common trick is to use the Quick Movements and the Bright Lights to be triggering his hunting instinct. Try dangling the twenty dollar bill on the string, or pulling it suddenly around the corner into the alley. With the interest piqued, he will follow it around where you can be Jumping on him and Having Your Way with him. Thus the Hunter is becoming the Hunted, and all are ending up Satisfied.
Of course, there are many other women out there who are knowing the same tricks as you for Getting the Man. How can you be making sure that they are not Stealing that Stunning Stallion you are wanting for yourself? One solution is to be making sure that they are distracted. Get one of your guy-friends with whom you are Finished, and tell to him that one of your competitors is having the Crush on him. He will soon be after her, and you will be first in line to be Winning the Man. But what if you are having no man to be the distraction? Perhaps one of your girlfriends could be sufficing. Or maybe you could even be Teaming Up with the rival so that you could Both be Getting the Guy. It is the rare man who can be resisting when two women are coming up to him and Inviting him back to bed, together.
If all of these ideas are failing, maybe the problem is that you simply haven't been networking enough. Ask all of your girlfriends if they are knowing any cute single guys with whom they could be setting you up. Be sure to be asking all of your exes too. After all, one of them is sure to be knowing someone. And if that is not succeeding, you must merely be extending the network further and further out. Ask everyone you are meeting. Perhaps your postman is knowing someone. Perhaps he would even be up for the Quick Tryst on his rounds. Or you could try getting into the automobile accident to Pull In the policemen, or setting the small blazes to be Finding the Firemen. Be creative!
But once you are Having the Man, how can you be Hanging On to him? The most important thing, it is not to be nagging. For example, what would you do if you found your man on your front porch at 4:00 in the morning, drunk, passed out, naked, and with the women's underwear on his head? It is most important at such a time to be Supportive and Understanding. After all, he was probably just out getting a little Action on the Side, and you can hardly be blaming him for that. Or what if he is feeling depressed because his Advances were being rejected by your sister? He is at the most Sensitive Juncture, and being critical of him for this is the sure way to be losing him. Instead, you should be Delicately Nursing him back to the Health and the Happiness, and there is no better Cure than to be Giving the Body over to him!
And no matter what is happening on your Quest for the Man, remember that the attitude, it is everything. You must be Confident and Daring, Alluring and Sexual at all times. But what about those times when you are feeling less than desirable? What happens when your Heart has been Broken and your Confidence is Shot? Remember, you must always be ready to be Getting Back on the Horse of Love, even after the most trying of breakups. For this reason, you should always be having one or two old Flames with whom you can be having the Rendezvous of Love, in order to be regaining the Positive Thoughts. And if you cannot be finding one soon enough, you can always be Coupling with the frat boy or the homeless drifter. One of them will always be Willing to be helping you with your Self Esteem.
And when all else fails, remember that everybody is Needing the Love of the Good Woman, even the gays and the creeps. Somewhere out there is the Man for you! If you keep looking, then you are sure to be finding him!♥
