The Rules of Ramón

This month I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am presenting the special column just for the ladies.

Recently I was coming across the book entitled The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. Now, we minks are naturally the curious and the inquisitive creatures, and here was the book all about finding the Love! Of course, in my Passion I was deciding to buy several hundred copies.

Alas, I found that I was tricked yet again! These Rules were not about the Loving Life we are all Chasing. They was about the petty trickery and the manipulation, all in the hopes of lashing of oneself to the one person forever through the eternal matrimony. I, Ramón the Mink of Love, was saddened. For I realized that there are many young women out there who are taking these Rules to the Bosom in their Quest for the Man. Who is knowing how much misery and heartbreak has been caused by these mischievous maxims?

Of course, there was only one response. This humble mink was forced to enscribe the Real Rules, those that will be helping you find the True Love many times each night! Hopefully, together we can be spreading this, and saving those poor Young, Innocent, Nubile women from the awful fate of The Rules.

Here then, I begin:


  1. Be a “Creature Lusting for Any Other”: Too many women, they are too picky. How are you ever going to be finding the Right Man (or Woman) if you are deciding not to be Sleeping With most you are meeting? No. Remember, everybody is the Potential Paramour.

  2. Take the Lead: Very often, the man does not know what he is wanting. This can be leading to the many awkward moments, in which the both of you are Internally Writhing in the Lust, and yet you are talking about the weather. Don’t let this be happening. Jump him now, before he can be saying the single word about the chill in the air.

  3. Be Lustful but Mysterious: Try wearing the veil, or the hooded cloak with the tight bodice. Stand pensively in the wind with the hair blowing back, staring off into the horizon. Look at every man with the deep, thoughtful stare, then glance away quickly, so that he will wondering at the Deep Ocean of Secrets that is in your Heart. But once he is within five feet, let all drop away as you Ravish him without speaking. I guarantee you, his Interest will be piqued.

  4. No More than Casual Loving on the First Date: This one can be being very hard. After all, we are each one of us Creatures of Passion. Too often, we are wanting to Love each new person with all the Depth of our Souls. But you should be saving your heart. Only be Making Love casually on the first date.

  5. Don’t get Engaged or Married: Many husbands, they are demanding the hated fidelity that will only be Imprisoning the Lustful Beast in your Breast. Do not let this be happening. Your Love is belonging to everybody!

  6. Always End the Love First: Too many women, they are letting the Passion last for longer than ten minutes. Every time this is happening, you are missing out on the Love with someone else! For the sake of him or her, you must be moving quickly.

  7. Don’t Call Him, and Rarely Return His Calls: Passion cannot be adequately served over the telephone. Instead, each time he calls you should be showing up without invitation in his bedroom, to be Taking Him Unawares.

  8. Stop Dating Him if he Doesn’t Put Out: Some men, they are thinking that it is good to save the Love until the second date. These irresponsible men are only hindering you! If he does not give you the Love, you must have the will to be moving on, to the next man in queue who will make you Scream a Thousand Times over.

  9. Don’t Live with a Man: This can only be crimping your style when you are trying to be Seducing the other people. Instead, you should be having the keys to the homes of a hundred young men and women. That way, you can always be having the Warm Bed, where ever you are going!

  10. Do The Rules, Even When Your Friends and Parents Think It’s Nuts: You must be asking yourself this. Are your friends getting the Breathtaking amounts of Passion that you are? Do they really have your Lustful Interests at heart? Or are they just jealous! Do not let these people be dictating the Woman you are! Demonstrate to them, in person, the Benefits of these Most Lustful Rules! ♥