Writing Real Romance
Despite all that our politicians are doing, we are still in the middle of a recession of economics. Now, a simple Loving mustelid such as I, Ramón the Mink of Love, does not know much about the economics. But I can still be doing my best to help those who are in need of a job. Now that tech businesses are doing so poorly, and the factory job has all but disappeared, it is perhaps the time to be moving on to another job, of great importance to many of us. I am speaking, of course, of the writing of the Novel of Romance. I will share my secrets with you to be turning your pen into a Flowing Font of Love!
The best way to be creating any story is to be making vibrant, interesting characters. Consider the heroine. There are those authors who would give her a simple name, such as Amy or Madison. No. She must be having the exotic name which whispers out the delicate nature of her feminine soul, such as Ursula or Franzeska or Roxana. You must describe her as being like the tender rose: her soft, pale skin, her flowing hair, her propensity to faint with the least cause, and her desire to Make Love like a jackhammer to any within reach. This is the exemplar of femininity, and you should make use of it.
Likewise, the man must be the prototypical masculine hero. He must be dark, and mysterious. A tortured soul whom no one is understanding except the woman. His name must be hard and virile, like Bolt or Stud or Rock. You should be giving him a shadowed past. Perhaps he is the hunted criminal, or the last survivor of a terrible (though not disfiguring) accident. Perhaps there are those who wish to kill him, or to chain him up forever where he can never be Loved. The proper costume is vital for the man. Make him be wearing the mask and cape, the steel blade, and the billowy shirt open to the waist to reveal the broad chest like the sack of concrete. And like the heroine, the woman of his dreams, it is his Desire to Make Love to any creature he can. But always, always something must draw him out, cause him to move on. His heart, it will never be at peace until he is finding her.
The villain is also important. But one mistake that so many authors are making is to make the villain a cold, icy man of no dimension. Rather, you must be showing his sensitive side as well. Let him be Making Love to your heroine, or to your hero. Show the Passion there, that fuels their rivalry and drives them ever onward to new Climaxes of Enmity.
Now you must be coming up with the proper historical background for your novel. Think of a time that was dangerous, when men were real men and women were real women. Perhaps your characters are pirates sailing the open seas, longing for a heart to tame them and Booty to Plunder. Or they could be cattle rustlers in the old west, knowing that the life among cattle can not be Satisfying them for long. Maybe they are nobles of some ancient, savage empire, feeling the Passion of Life while around them is Death and Sacrifice. Or maybe they are the astronauts, fulfilling each other in every way while they float weightless in outer space or walk upon the moon. Ultimately, the background is not mattering. All that is important is that it must be giving your characters some excuse, some reasons to be Making Love as often as possible.
Compared to all of this, the plot, it is secondary. No one is purchasing these books for the happenings in them anyway. All they are wanting is the Steamy, Tempestuous scenes of Love and Desire. In fact, in many cases you may be able to be doing away with the story all together. You can simply have a tale of Passion and Lust, as everybody is Loving everybody else.
As another tip, you must always be having your thesaurus ready. There is nothing worse than the boring Love, that Love which is only using three or four words to describe that most Sublime Act. Remember to be making liberal use of such phrases as Pulsating Desire, Throbbing Member, Purple-Headed Love Warrior, and Quivering Love Pudding. These are the phrases that Awaken the Beast in men and women, that make them want to rip off their restrictive clothing and be Giving their Affection to the next fortunate soul who is walking through the door. Remember, it is not just the Love about which you are writing. It is the Fervorous, Dripping, Drowning, Spasming Lust Dance.
Finally, my most important tip for you all is to never forget to Live the Loving life! Too many authors, they do not write about what they are knowing, and it is showing in the quality of their work. Before you are writing a chapter, dress up as the hero or heroine of your book and go Give your Lusts to a random person you are meeting outside. These people, they are making the best literary critics. And when they learn that your Advances are purely for the purposes of research, they will surely be Obliging.
And perhaps, when you are being a famous author you will remember me, and deign to pay me a Visit. Who knows, I may even be the Muse to inspire you on your next book! ♥
