Heavy Petting
It is often said that you may be telling what kind of person somebody is by what kind of pet he or she is keeping. But is there any truth to this idea, or is it little more than the pointless urban legend? Fortunately you are having me, Ramón the Mink of Love, to be sorting the Fact from the Fiction. Humble mink that I am, I must admit that among my Thousands of Lovers, more than a few have shared their domicile with some manner of animal. And I was finding that there were indeed patterns between the kind of creature, and the conduct of Copulation. So which kinds of animal owners are making the best Lovers? Read on, and find out for yourself!Cat
Cat owners are known for being self-absorbed, meticulous, and impossibly clean. Nevertheless, they are wonderfully Playful Lovers, Agile and Mischievous. And there is no experience that can be comparing to Making Love in the top of a tree—especially if you are getting Stuck, and are needing the fire department to come Rescue you!
Small Dog
The small dog is the favorite among the little old ladies who are needing a creature upon whom they can be doting. Do not be underestimating these Gyrating Grannies, for their Vast Experience can be more than making up for their weakness and dementia. However you must be most careful that their brittle bones are not Collapsing beneath your Lusty Lovemaking.
Large Dog
The owner of the large dog is always Eager and always ready to Please. He will be wanting to Follow you everywhere, and is very easily trained to be doing whatever Tricks you are Desiring. You must be taking care though, for this person‘s feelings will be most easily hurt be the slightest harsh word. And he may be getting very Jealous toward your other Lovers.
Mouse/Rat
The rodent is a Lover of the Tight, Dark spaces. The owner of one of these creatures Enjoys nothing so much as the Burrowing and Nesting in unusual places. Do not be surprised if you are finding yourself Making the Love beneath the bed, inside the walls, or underneath the floor.
Parrot
The owners of parrots are a varied lot, each with their own Tastes and Kinks. Fortunately, in this case you be simply be asking the bird about its owner. If it is staring mutely back, its owner shall only be Entertaining you for a few seconds. But if it is flipping onto its back and Moaning Lustfully, you may be having the keeper.
Snake
It is the little known fact that snake owners are among the most Talented and Nimble of Lovers. After spending many hours watching their ophidian charges, they have learned how to be Squirming into any Tight Space, and how to be Unhinging the Jaw. You are never knowing What they may be Swallowing!
Rabbit
Rabbit people are Fast and Hyper, always looking around themselves to make sure that no danger is near. Love with them is always being quick and perfunctory, just in case there is some predator lurking near. However, in the Game of Love, you may be turning this to your advantage. If you are making the sudden movement or loud noise, the Explosion of Adrenaline may be driving both of you Over the Edge!
Goldfish
The goldfish owner will be much like the pet. She will be Glittery and Shiny, Mysterious and Wonderful to look upon. However behind that facade lies the dumb animal with no interest in the world outside the bowl. If you are only needing the Physical Beauty, go ahead and Bed this person. Just be sure to be bringing the flaky fish food as the bait.
Monkey
The monkey owner is much like his charge. He will Make Love to anything, be it male or female, human or animal, animate or not. The simple wooden dowel will be Entertaining him for hours! Further, this Amorous Activity will always be accompanied by much Loud and Excited Screeching. Definitely a Fun afternoon!
Ant Farm
The owner of the ant farm is desiring the strict, regimented control above all else. She will spend hours watching each individual ant perform its task over and over, without fault or rest. In Bed you should be ready for the Rigid order in everything, from the number of Sweet, Fleshy Kisses to the proper mode of address when Screaming your Passion. If you are the Bottom, you will have found the Heaven!
Good luck, and may you Bawdy Behavior be Bringing out the Beast in us all! ♥
