Unfortunately, there are many of the straight folks who are just not knowing how to be Approaching the Gay Man or Woman for the Same-Sex Seduction. What should you be wearing? How should you be speaking? And where can you even find the Gay person for the tryst? It is most fortunate that I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am here to be Helping you!
The first step, it is to be appearing proper. The Gay person is timid by instinct, hiding in the Gay nests and dens that can be found in any urban building. There is nothing that will be startling him or her more than the frat boy or the cowboy wannabe “lookin' for the gays,” even if his intention is most Lustful and Pure. Fortunately, they can be easily calmed if you are taking the right steps with the appearance. If you are the man, the copious eyeshadow and blush will be helping you to blend in. Do not forget to be waxing the legs, chest, and back! If you are the woman, the buzz cut and the flannel shirt will be doing the same. And regardless of the gender, the construction helmet, the handlebar mustache, and the rainbow colored tight pleather pants will all be convincing them that you are the Gay too. Once you are throwing in the large number of pink triangle patches, they will begin to be Opening Themselves up to you.
Of course, even if you are appearing perfect, you can still be ruining the chances for the Gay Love if you are saying the wrong thing. Start by practithing the lithp, until you can be rethiting the Thalathiouth Tholiloquieth in your thleep. No affectation is too outlandish! Also, you must be sure to be adding in lots of the Gay slang terms. Pepper the speech with the terms like “twink,” “cottaging,” “meat rack,” “potato queen,” “shrimping,” “basket,” and “Dutch boy.” In truth, no one is knowing what these phrases are meaning—they are simply the terms that the Gay people are using when talking to one another. If you are wanting to fit in without the suspicion, you should be doing the same! Also, the Gay men have the habit of referring to the others as the certain quadrupeds, such as the bear, the otter, or the weasel. So if you are telling the cute shirtless man that he is the fine piece of duckbilled platypus, no one will be thinking it amiss.
The next step in finding your Hot Homosexual Hookup is to find the location. Where do the Gay people hang out? Ideally you could be finding some Gay bar or Gay dance club. This is having two advantages. First, you can be getting really drunk before Making Your Move. This will help in case you are having any last-minute reservations. Also, the bar is having the bartender, who may be able to helping you out in your Queer Quest. Walk up to him in your pink pleather pants and the fake mustache, and say, “Excuthe me Mithter Bartender. I am the Thtraight man looking for the Hot Man-On-Man Action! Where might I be Finding it in thith ethtablithment?” He will be only too Happy to be pointing you in the right direction. Your humble mink has been doing this several times, and each time has been ending Passionately. Be sure to be leaving him the Big Tip.
If you are unable to be finding the Gay bar in your neighborhood, there are several others places you can be trying. Many cities are having the Gay Pride parade this month, and they are always very Friendly about the Public Acts of Love. Of course, these are not happening every weekend. If you are needing the Gay Love now, here are some of the other ideas for you. First, you could try to be hanging out in the Gay & Lesbian section of the local bookstore, and be Hitting on anyone who is browsing the section. You are sure to be Meeting lots of people that way. Second, you could be trying the local college campus. This is working especially well if you are the Woman—after all, all the world is knowing that the College Women are only too happy to be Experimenting. Try ringing the doorbell of the Sorority House, and asking if anyone is wanting to Indulge in the Sapphic Passions. You'd be amazed at how often this is working. Finally, there is no reason that you cannot be just trying the local straight bar. Who is knowing? Maybe you'll be Finding the person there who will be the great Love of your life...or at least of the next five minutes!
Hopefully, with these tips you will be enjoying the Gay Romp in no time! But what if you are already being Homosexual? Well then, you must be asking yourself, are you missing out on half of the equation? Why not be Treating yourself to the Straight Love this month? Hopefully, when we are all Understanding just How to be Loving one another, How to be Sharing our Lusts and our Loins, we will be Learning a little something about each other: that maybe we are not being that different after all. And that is calling for a Celebration—a Most Minkly one!♥