Tavern Titilations
Of late, I, Ramón the Mink of Love, have been seeing a trend which I am not liking. Like many of you, I am often going to the bars and clubs in order to be seeking the Animal Companionship which we all crave. And though I am as deft and skilled a Lover as always, I am seeing those around me who falter and go home early without a date. This pains me in my Heart, to see a person bereft of such Salty Fellowship. Often, I am driven to Ravish them right then, so that they are not totally without Passion. But I am but one mink, and I cannot be pleasing everybody on all nights. Therefore, I am giving you this guide to how to be finding the Passion in the bar.
Before you are going to the bar, you must be picking your clothing for the night. I have seen many people who are seeking the Physical Passion, yet who are going out in nothing more than the jeans and the tee shirt. This, it is a grave mistake. No one is finding this costume unique or appealing. You must instead be choosing a persona for the evening, someone dark and mysterious, whom all will wish to Uncover. If you are male, the tuxedo or the black hooded cloak are both excellent choices. For the woman, there is little selection that is better than the beautifully diaphanous nightgown. Or perhaps you may be going wearing nothing at all. After all, in the Quest for Love there is nothing of which to be ashamed!
Now, you must pick the proper drink to be matching your outfit. The vodka martini is a favorite, for with it you shall appear suave, dapper, and Sexy. If you are male, be finding the largest martini glass you can—preferably one which you can be holding with both hands. This will show all the Man that you are, able to take his liquor and hold it. Or perhaps you may be drinking the fine red wine, which will make you seem cultured and erudite. However, you must at all costs be avoiding the fruity drinks. No one can be looking smooth and desirous while they are holding the bright blue drink with the miniature umbrella. Likewise, unless you are in the country western bar, you must not be choosing the cheap beer. The cheap drinker, he is the cheap Lover.
Now that you have your drink, you must be putting yourself on display. Under no circumstances should you find a corner and huddle over your drink. Do not wait for the others to come to you, for it is a lost opportunity! Strut proudly around the bar a few times. Let everyone know that you are there, and that you are Looking for Love. Make eye contact with all in the room. Chose a person and catch his eye. Raise an eyebrow, or lick your lips to Reveal your Amorous Intentions. Then, look to another and repeat the process. Do this to one person after another, until you have covered the entire room.
Finally, it is the time to strike. Find the nubile young man or woman with whom you wish to Share your most Intimate Fluids, and be striding up to this person boldly. Do not be coy or hesitant, for this will only waste time in the Marvelous Dance of Lust. Instead, you must be direct. My favorite line is, "Hello. I am Ramón the Mink of Love, and I shall now Make Love to you until you are screaming for mercy." The men and the women alike are both melting for this declaration of my Passion. Another favorite is, "My dear, you are the most radiant creature I, Ramón the Mink of Love, have ever seen upon this Earth. Let me Make Love to you, and I shall die a happy mink."
Now that your Love has acquiesced to your advance, you must be making a difficult decision. Where shall you be Loving him or her? Personally, I am most fond of performing the Act on the bar itself. That way, when I have finished, I can immediately be Focusing my Attentions on another. But some, they are not approving of being so Uncovered before so many. For them, there are many options. You may Know each other in the restrooms of the bar. You may Ignite your Flames underneath one of the tables. Or you may be scurrying out to the kitchen or the back alley, to Make Love out of view of others. Beware though, for such a strategy is wasting precious minutes that you may be spending in the arms of another!
Above all, you must be remembering to be having a plan, and sticking to it. The Love, sometimes it is not easy. For those who are Playing this Passionate Game, there can be a lot of hard work invested. But it is a Noble Calling which we are following. And remember, whoever is spreading the most Love, is winning. But you shall never beat me, for I am the greatest Lover of all. I am Ramón the Mink of Love!♥
