To Afghanistan With Love
I, Ramón the Mink of Love, wish you one and all a Felicitous New Year! Now is the time that we are remembering our old Lovers and Conquests fondly, and also looking forward to the new Passions that await us in 2002!
Yet all is not joy in this troubled world in which we live. Like many of you, I have been watching the events that are unfolding before us in Afghanistan. There is so much hatred there that a simple Mink of Love such as myself is never sure what to be thinking. First I heard that the Taliban were all keeping multiple wives. At last! Here were people who were not letting their religious devotion interfere with the Great Passion. But then I saw pictures of these men, and I realized that they were not the Lovers I had initially thought. They were gaunt and bony, and seemed to be men fiercely determined to prevent Desire and Physical Pleasure from ever entering their bodies. How horrible!
I had the same conflicting feelings about the women of Afghanistan. I looked at them and saw their burqas, and I lusted. For I knew that no finer garment existed for the discreet Making of Love. Under that shell a loving mustelid such as myself could Know every crevice on a woman's beautiful body without any outside being the wiser. I could Make Love to woman after woman on the bus, on the street, or even in her home in front of her husband and children. And then I learned that ironically these very coverings, though seemingly born out of Carnal Passion, were in fact being used to oppress the women! What kind of sick, psychotic mind takes the tools of Love and twists them around to shackle the very Beating of the Heart?
At the same time, the war is continuing in that country. People are searching for bin Laden and his band of criminals, so far with no success. But the methods they are using, they are detestable! They skulk from cave to cave with their big guns, threatening violence when they find him. I do not see how this can be succeeding. Violence solves no problems.
And so, I offer you my humble solution. I know that those who are reading this column are among the most generous, Passionate people in the world. Afghanistan has suffered so much, and yet it needs so much more. All of us must gather together and go there, on a Mission of Love. We must teach the Afghan people how to shed their clothes and Frolic once again in the streets. We must show these military men that one can be catching more flies with the Love than with the vinegar. And we must be showing bin Laden the true Fire which ignites us to a Passionate Frenzy. When he is found, we must all Make Love to him for days upon days, so that he will be seeing the errors of his ways. For we all know, it is only through Love that we can be defeating Hatred! Together, we may be accomplishing this, and returning the hope of the future to a desperate country. ♥
