Giving to Receive
Most of you are aware that the 14th of February is being the Day of St. Valentine. Aside from being the birthday of a certain Suave and Sexy mink, this is also being the Day of Great Love and Passion all throughout the world. Indeed, even now the stores are stocked up on the red and pink bows, the long stemmed roses, and the heart shaped boxes of the chocolate contraceptives.Yet I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am always hearing a certain amount of the griping and complaining during this time of the year. This Holiday of Holidays, the people are saying, has become too commercial. Why is it that we are expected to be buying all of these things for everybody whom we have ever Known? Even worse, children as young as four are expected to be passing out the cute Valentine‘s cards, without even the slightest Expectation of the Trading of any Favours of Love! Where is the fairness in that? What kind of perversity are we teaching our children?
And so, many people are wishing to be avoiding the Valentine‘s Day altogether. They insist on spending this day as they would any other day: eating, sleeping, going to work, and boiling over with the bitterness toward all the Blissful Blessed couples. Why, this humble mink asks? If you are letting the resentment be eating you from inside, you will never find yourself Eating the Lover from Inside. Is this any way to be living? No, I say! We must not be boycotting the Day of St. Valentine, but Embracing it and every cheesy, twee trapping it is including! So, for the Love of Passion, I beg of you to be buying gifts for all of your Lovers, past and present, this Day of Valentines.
But what should you be getting? The salespeople, they will try to be convincing you of many things: that the color of the rose or its shape are somehow indicating its quality, or that the worth of the diamond can be measured in such trivial things as brilliance, cut, or carets. In truth, no one is knowing what any of these words are meaning. No, you should be having the single criterion for every Valentine‘s Gift (indeed, every gift all year round) which you are purchasing. What is the probability that it will be granting you the Physical Love? Every other measure, it is merely the distraction!
When buying the box of chocolates, you are needing to remember one simple rule. “The Bigger the Box, the Bigger the Love.” It is well known that the chocolate is containing not only the very large number of the calories, but also many of the natural Aphrodisiacs. So after eating all of them, your Lover will not only be needing the way to be Burning the fat from his her or thighs, put will be Overcome with the Desire to do it in the Proper Manner. Did you know that the Climax can be burning over 5,000 of the calories per hour? This is allowing him or her to be eating more chocolate, and so Wanting more Love, and so eating more chocolate, and so on until he or she is collapsing in the catatonic stupor of the sugar shock and Exertion. This is good, for then you can be sneaking off and Satisfying your other Lovers with more chocolate!
But what if you are wanting to get the flowers for your Beloved? Here, the presentation should be the only concern. Any fool can be walking into the florist‘s and buying the dozen red roses, but all this is demonstrating is the lack of creativity. Instead I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am every year buying the 20 lb. bag of the industrial grade rose petals. It has been my observation that all women (and some men) will be following the trail of rose petals, salivating like the proverbial Pavlovian dog—you need just lay the path to the bed, to the tub, or into the dishwasher, and be waiting at the end wearing only a few strategically placed petals yourself. The Joyous Rapture is sure to follow!
The diamond jewelry is presenting the particularly tricky case. Unlike the other gifts, the diamond will be lasting for the Eternity. Thus it is important that years from now, your Lover look at it and be thinking upon you (or Thrusting upon you) fondly. To be achieving this goal, it is important that your jewelry be covered with many gems, be very shiny, and be in the pleasing shape. Fortunately, the first two are easy. Any jeweler can be adding extra layers of gemstones to any previous ring or pin. Further, any jewelry of quality these days will be having the small light hidden in the setting, which will be giving the stones the pleasing nimbus of light.
Unfortunately, shape is being a more complicated issue. It is seeming that everybody is only making the hearts and the abstract circles and crosses, and not any of the more Appropriate shapes of Love. I cannot tell you how many times I, Ramón the Mink of Love, have walked into the mall jewelry store and asked for the pendant shaped like the Engorged Phallus, and received only the most incredulous of stares! So I am warning you, you may be needing to be hiring the jeweler to be having the custom work done. Of course, I am trusting that you shall be thinking of some Suitable Recompense.
So good luck on this Day of St. Valentine! ♥
