Sailing the Steamy Seas
As summer is winding down here in the northern hemisphere, I, Ramón the Mink of Love am realizing that many of you are a little disappointed. But now is not the time for grieving. Now is the time to be seeking that Last Fling, that Passionate Kiss Goodbye to the long days and even Longer Nights before winter's cruel embrace is taking over. But how to be spending these last few weeks? Well, your most humble mink is having a suggestion. Have you ever been considering going on the Caribbean Cruise?
Try to be picturing to yourself the entire boat filled with the Lusty Young Hedonists. The revelers, they are Dancing and Writhing to the music of the reggae. The rum punch, it is flowing like the water all the night long! Every day, you are stopping at the beautiful ports of call, where you can Relaxing on the beach and Sampling the native Delights. Truly, it is the veritable Paradise!
Of course, in order to be Maximizing the Enjoyment, you must be knowing where on the boat to be Finding it. If you are not careful, you will be finding yourself surrounded by the screaming children and the uptight parents. These families are often having no thought in mind save themselves, and no respect for the Needs and Desires of others. In fact, in this humble mink's experience, they will very rudely be interrupting your Recreation if they are ever catching you. Some of the mothers can be most uncivil. Fortunately, there are many places aboard where the children are not allowed. Certainly, the bars and the casinos and the dance floors are open ground for you to be Displaying your Blessings in their Full Glory.
Another place to be remembering is the topless deck. This is always the very highest deck on the boat, where the straying eyes cannot be spying the Libidinous Doings that are taking place there. Of course, the ship maps will always be calling this place by some silly euphemistic name. It is always something like the “Sky Deck” or the “Vista Deck,” and never the “Bacchanal Deck of the Carnal Pleasures,” which would be the more accurate term for it. Simply go up there with the rum in hand, and wait for the orgy to be beginning! Naturally, there will be some holdouts who are insisting that they are there simply to sunbathe. But with enough backrubs and alcohol, even these reluctant souls will soon be Cavorting with Abandon!
Unfortunately, many of the best areas for Love will be of the “restricted access,” with only the crew allowed to be entering or leaving. Fortunately, this should not be the problem for the Determined Lover. You must only be keeping in mind certain of the tricks. Firstly, the official nametag will be allowing you in anywhere. You can be obtaining this from any crewperson around the ship, so long as they are otherwise Distracted. Once you are having the nametag, it is the simple matter to be getting onto the bridge. Keep in mind how lonely it is to be the night pilot, steering the ship through the dark ocean waters all of the evening long. Whoever is on duty will be Welcoming the Little Diversion. While he or she is recovering, you can be grabbing the white officer's cap. Now you are Good to Go, for no one will be bothering the person with both the nametag and the cap. Feel free to explore the ship as you like. Conduct the Random Inspections in the crew's quarters! Make Love upon the great turbines in the engine room! Scream your Passions out on the radio for all the Caribbean to hear!
No cruise is complete without the many ports of call. Remember, no matter if you are in Cancún, the Caymans, or Aruba, you are an ambassador of your own country. You should be behaving appropriately, by being the Ambassador of Love! The Cultural Exchanges in which you will take part will help to Facilitate the better Understandings among the people of many cultures. You may be learning to Scream in the Spanish (“¡Ay, Dios!”), fornicate in the French (“Mon Dieu!”), or Delcare the Delight in the Dutch (“Godverdomme!”) And even better, you may be Discovering the new, Exotic Lovemaking techniques used in these tropical Paradises, that you can be bringing back to your Lovers at home! There is but one single caveat—you must beware the dry wastelands of the Virgin Islands. Their very name brings the shivers down the spine of this simple mink, for I fear that you will be finding no Love there.
At this point, I know what you are thinking. What if there is a hurricane? Those tropical cyclones are known to be turning the boats upside down and wreaking much havoc. Fortunately, this will not be a concern for you. As we are learning from the movies like Titanic, whenever a boat is struck by the nature (be it the horrendous hurricane, the terrifying tidal wave, or the deadly Caribbean iceberg), the result will only be Romance. At worst, you will be stuck on the lifeboat for days with only a couple of other potential Lovers. More likely, it will end up being some Tragically Romantic situation about which you can be telling the grandkids. Do you remember when Leonardo DiCaprio was falling beneath the waves, breaking Kate Winslet's heart in twain (at least until she found the new Paramour)? So will it be for you. The Love, it is Intense.
So I hope that soon you are going on the beautiful Caribbean Cruise. And who is knowing? Maybe you will be lucky enough to be Sharing the boat with me, Ramón the Mink of Love! So if you are seeing the furry little sunbather up on the Bacchanal Deck of the Carnal Pleasures, be sure that you are Saying Hi, if you Know what I am saying!♥
