Craving the Carnal Camping
The Love, it is the many Splendoured thing! Just think, every species in the world, it has having its way of Making the Love. Some are doing it High in the trees, and others Deep in the earth, yet all are doing it in the outdoors—except the humans. Why is this? Why have people been Erecting this wall between themselves and the Natural World? If you are wishing to reestablish the Active membership in the brotherhood and sisterhood of all the fauna and flora, you should be Sharing the Passions in the outdoors. Think of it as the Ceremonial Rite that is Bonding you to the Wild Fires of the Earth! Let yourself be Feeling the Threads that are Connecting you to the Cosmos! Let yourself be Joinging, through the Coming Together, the Fertile Continuum of the Life. How might you be doing this, you are asking? It is simple...you must be going Camping!The first step to the Camping, it is to be buying the proper gear. Most important are the tents and the sleeping bags. Is the tent waterproof? Can it be properly hosed down after the Amorous Adventures in the Wild? Does it have the proper hook for your Sling of Love? All of these things, they must be carefully considered by you. The sleeping bag, too, is crucial. After all, is it stylish and sexy enough for a Lover of Luxuries such as yourself? Is it big enough for you and the two or three Lusty Ladies you will be bringing back into it? Will it be light enough to let you be cooling off the Heat you are Making? Be sure to be asking these questions to the salespeople at the sporting goods store you are visiting. These professionals are sure to have the good answer for you.
You should be sure that you are having the proper clothing as well. Fleece has long been a favorite of the outdoorspeople, as it is being light, warm, and—most importantly—easily removed. Your undergarments should be being made of the soft, natural fabrics, like the silk or the cashmere. These will be breathing easily, letting your Natural Odours be calling the others hither. The quality footwear is important, for the stability, the comfort, and to be helping to be keeping you feeling Sexy. Stiletto-heeled hiking boots are a favorite, as their heels are digging into the earth to be keeping you steady on the long hikes, and they are letting you be showing off the leg. Finally, you must be remembering the protective gear: the sunglasses for the head, the gloves for the hands, and the garter for the legs.
If you are going to be spending the full day hiking, it is vital that you are thinking about the weight of the gear. For example, you should be leaving at home the full-body Personal Massagers. Your small, handheld models will be Sufficing. Don't be bringing the heavy metal whips and chains. Instead, bring along the light plastic ones—your back will be thanking you. And the twelve-pack of beer or the bottles of wine are far too heavy a way to be bringing along the Drinks of Seduction. Far better to be bringing the small plastic bottle of the grain alcohol. If this is being too Strong for your Intended, you can always be mixing it with the water from the stream or creek. Don't worry—the alcohol will be killing any bacteria in the water, and making the drink perfectly safe.
Take some time to be learning the natural plants and animals in the area. After all, it is easy to be luring the Nubile young lass back into your tent if you are convincing her that there are the grizzly bears about. And if you can be making the howl of the wolf while no one is looking, they will be Coming even Faster into your arms. It is useful also to be being able to recognize the many plants around. The natural world is filled with many of the natural Aphrodisiacs and Contraceptives, that can be useful in the Lovemaking. But be sure to be avoiding the More Menacing plants, like the nettles or the poison ivy...unless you are being Into that sort of thing.
Before you are going, be sure to be checking the latest weather report. After all, there is nothing worse than being caught in the unexpected downpour. However if you are, remember that the latex prophylactics are making the excellent emergency rain coat. Offer to be sharing them with others; after all, you might just be Making a new Friend. And be sure to be keeping your tent door open, just in case some Hot Shirtless Stud is passing by and is needing a place to be Seeking the Shelter.
Of course, none of this would be possible if there aren't many other people around, to allow to be Taking Advantage of you. Be sure to be timing your Outings to times when there are lots of families around, like during the Memorial Day Weekend or the Bank Holiday. Set up your Camp of Love directly on the path, so that people cannot be helping but to be walking right through it. Better yet, find the well-traveled crossroads. Wear the bright colors, like the neon pink or the fluorescent chartreuse, so that everybody can be seeing you amid the boring rocks and trees. Your tent should be a similar color. And be sure to be bringing the loud music to be Attracting the people, with the Throbbing bass line that is carrying for the miles around.
Be sure to be getting to know the park rangers too. After all, the park ranger is the lonely job, where they are forced to be spending the weeks at a time out in the wilderness. They will surely be Welcoming the New Acquaintance with the Open Legs. They might also be letting you camp for free, or knowing the best places in the forest for the Hot, Sweaty Passion. The rangers, they are the Invaluable Resource.
Finally, the cardinal rule of the camping, it is to be Leaving things in the better state that that in which you were finding them. Be sure to be packing out any garbage you were bringing with you, and to be extinguishing all of the fires—except the one in the Loins. Leave a stash of prophylactics or lubricants hidden in the hollow tree or under the log for the next campers. And be sure to be carving the messages in the trees, letting them know of the best spots for the Games of Love.
With this advice, any camping trip is sure to be Exciting and Breathtaking. Good luck, and I'll be seeing you on the trail!♥
