The Titillating Taxes
For many of you, the April is the month of the taxes. You are Working and Loving Hard day after day, and then the government is coming in and taking your hard earned Fruits away from you. It is not surprising that for many, this is not the pleasant experience.Yet picture for a moment the offices of the Bureau of the Revenue. So many people are vilifying these people that are slaving away day after day in the mazelike warrens of the computers and the filing cabinets. But are they not the Living Creatures too? Nevertheless, these accountants continually deny the Loving Urges in themselves. Every day they are putting on the same suit with the same tie, and the same dark glasses. Every day they are hunching themselves over their forms and their calculators, striving to find the slightest mistakes in the numbers. And then every night they are going home alone, to their meals of the cold soup and crusty bread. It makes a Passionate Mink such as myself weep, to think of all of these lost souls.
The paperwork they are making you fill out is showing the dullness of their existence. After all, what human being could possibly be contriving such a dull method of communication? Why are they so interested in the salary and the wages and tips and the exemptions? And why are they trying to be bringing you down to the same gray drudgery as themselves? It is like some great loveless vampire has been sucking all of the Life out of their lungs.
Fortunately, they are having Ramón the Mink of Love to be Blowing it back into them.
So, now I am hearing you asking, “How can I be making my tax returns into the more Loving Experience?” First, if you are having some boring name like “George Smith,” now is the time to be changing it. Pick something like “Zultar, Prince of Passion.” For occupation, you may be choosing something like “Lover&rdquo or “Bringer of Joy.” Salary can be a little tough. After all, most of us are not getting paid in money for our Bodies. But surely each Caress is having its own rewards! Maybe you can say that you were paid “1000 Fulfilled Hearts” or “15000 Luxurious Climaxes.” Use the imagination.
Be sure to be ignoring the instructions to be using the black or the blue ink. Those colors, they are cold and unfeeling. I, Ramón the Mink of Love, am always using the bright red ink to be showing my Tempestuous Desire. Also, there are many little spaces and margins on the forms that can be used for the little doodles and pictures. Start with the tame ones, such as the heart with the arrow through it. But by the bottom, your pictures should be Explicit and Sensuous. Perhaps you could be illustrating your favorite fantasy with you, the tax agent, and I, Ramón the Mink of Love. Be sure that the picture is clearly labeled and annotated. The government agents, they are Loving that kind of thing.
Next is coming the deductions. Too many people, they are not bothering to remember all the tax breaks for which they are qualifying. For example, for how many Lovers were you playing Teacher this year? Be sure to be giving yourself the Educator Deductions. How many beds were you moving and shaking? Excellent, you are qualifying for the Moving Expenses! And how many different roles were you adopting in your Games of Love? There's your Adoption Credit! And be sure to be including the Itemized List of every toy, every lubricant, and every prophylactic you have been buying over the past year. After all, as the Great Lover that you are, each one of these is a Business Expense.
Now, finish with the quick personalized note to the agent who will be reviewing your taxes. “I look forward to the day you can be Probing my Assets in person! Love, Zultar” Wrap it all up in the pink frilly envelope, and send if off. With luck, you will only be having to wait a few days before the tax agents are showing up at your doorstep, ready to be Frisking you away for further Inspection! ♥
