The Passion of Ramón
Many of you have been hearing about Mel Gibson’s new movie, “Passion.” I must be admitting to you that even I, Ramón the Mink of Love, was as giddy as the little schoolmink when I was hearing of this movie. At last, there was to be a movie focusing on the Love! I was sure that it would be intelligent and sensitive, all about the gentle Wooing leading up to the Hot Five Minutes of Passion that I Yearn to achieve over and over again with each new person! I was trembling with such Anticipation as I stood in wait at the theater, Making Love to all waiting with me. Alas, perhaps I was being a little too eager.
Unfortunately, I found out too late that I had fallen for the Bait and the Switch. This was yet another example of the dogmatic crowd stealing away that most Sacred of words: Passion. This was not a movie about the Love! It was a two hour ode to the Death, the Violence, and the Pain! I was disgusted! If I had not been spending my time Loving the people in the theater with me, I am most certain that I would have been sick at the amount of blood spilling and oozing over the screen.
All that night, through my many Trysts, my mind was not on the hard bodied young men and women in front of me. It was on that movie, the Living Blasphemy that Mel Gibson had created. But then, I was struck by a Divine Inspiration—it occurred to me a way to be fixing this whole problem. I would write a screenplay for a new movie: “The Passion of the Mink.” It would be a stunning blockbuster about the Love, the Forgiveness, and the Eternal Power of the Lust. Perhaps Mel would even like to be helping me in this endeavour! This way, he could be Redeeming himself for the travesty he has wrought.
It begins in the Garden of Gethsemane. The camera pans down from the romantic full moon to the garden, where the Devil appears to a certain handsome, suave young Mink. The Devil is trying to convince him that he cannot be Loving the entire world. "Nobody. Nobody can take on the Love of the whole human race. It's too great. Nobody can. You can't do it." The Mink looks up defiantly, and says that he is ready. Then he shares his Passion with the Devil.
However, their Encounter is interrupted when Judas arrives, leading several Roman soldiers. Judas leans forward, and in a lingering slow motion shot he kisses the Mink full on the mouth. This of course leads to more Lovemaking, among the entire group, until finally the Centurions are recovering themselves enough to be taking the Mink before Pontius Pilate.
Pilate of course is the timid and sensitive soul, hiding behind the massive and faceless Roman bureaucracy. But with the help of the Mink, he is able to come out of his shell and Explore the Passionate Beast he has kept locked away for so long. But as they are Enjoying the Afterglow, the Pharisees come to demand the Love of the Mink. Pilate is loathe to give up his Paramour after so short a time. But soon a mob gathers in front of the palace, and they will not be denied. "Let his Love be on us and on our children!" And so Pilate is forced to Kiss his Mink goodbye. But from that day forward he is a Changed, more Lustful man.
All the people are then taking the Mink up to Calvary, where they are having a Massive Bacchanalian Feast. Everybody there is Loving each other, no matter which nation he or she is from. The Romans and the Jews alike are Lustfully Cavorting, as are the Arabs and the Africans and the Norsemen and the Japanese and the American Indians and every other people known. And God looks down and smiles, and He forgives the Sins of every one of them through His Infinite Power of Love!
What do you think, Mel? Two thumbs up? This humble mink thinks that it has blockbuster written all over it! Call me, we'll do dinner (and breakfast). My people will do your people. Let's do it! ♥
