A Presidential Paroxysm
Many of you have been asking me, Ramón the Mink of Love, which of the American candidates I am supporting for the President this year. Of course, this humble mink is taking the Democracy very seriously. All peoples are having the unalienable rights to the Life, the Liberty, and the Pursuit of Unabashed Hedonistic Pleasure. We must be casting off the Shackles of Oppression! (Unless that is being your particular Kink). It is thus that I, Ramón the Mink of Love, have decided to be Choosing the Man who will be defending these Freedoms. I hereby give my most minkly endorsement to Senator John McCain.This decision, it was not made lightly. In fact, Senator McCain was not even being my minkish first choice. No, I would have been preferring that Wild Mare of a woman, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. Your modest mustelid is remembering fondly the Clinton years, back when the Love was Loose and the interns were Plentiful in the White House. Indeed, one could not be walking through the Oval Office without tripping on the Bespotted blue dress! But alas, we must be being truthful with ourselves. Those good old days, they are no more. If Hillary had been getting farther than the primaries, we might be seeing the true Revival of this Executive Privilege. But instead, we must be making do with what we are Having.
But when have these things ever been helping you, the average Joe Lover? But of Obama and McCain, Senator McCain has been convincing me more that he is the Candidate of Passion. Sure, the Obama might be sounding good at first, with all of the talk of the “diplomacy” and the “responsibility.” But when have these things ever been helping you, the average Joe Lover? We are not needing the president who will be handling all of the responsibilities with the restraint, like the lonely and sad virgin sitting at the side of the high school dance. We are needing the Leader who will be Grabbing the Life by the Horn, and taking action! He will be Letting Loose his Virile Bombast, and Thrusting his way into every Dangerous Spider Hole with Abandon. That is why we are needing John McCain.
Further, we are knowing that McCain is not letting himself be bound by the foolish and antiquated bounds of the matrimony. When he and his first wife were on the outs, he did what any sensible mink would do: he left her for the arms of another. This is the kind of independent, Maverick thinking that we are needing! He found the woman who was Younger, Richer, more Shapely, and the better Lover. In fact, where would John McCain be now if he had not been taking this initiative in his Personal life? More than likely, a bitter middle manager at some Arizona convenience store, rather than the Hunk of Presidential Masculinity that he is!
And what about his pick for the Vice President? The first job of the VP, it is to be supporting the President. And it is being obvious that Sarah Palin will be doing that, and more. By contrast, Obama was choosing his crusty old senator from Delaware. Why, I am asking you? What kind of Mating could one ever be doing with that so-called “running mate?” He cannot possibly be Good for more than ...and her pithy Alaskan sayings are Exciting the mind as well as the body! twenty minutes at a time! By contrast, you know that Palin is helping John to be lasting all the night long! Every wink and thumbs up she gives is sending him to the New Heights of Bliss, and her pithy Alaskan sayings are Exciting the mind as well as the body! Certainly, his choice of Running Mate is showing much forethought...and foreplay!
Plus, John McCain is understanding the Alternate Sexual Lifestyles. What other presidential candidate, now or in the past, can boast to having spent six years in the underground Vietnamese S&M dungeon? Not one! By all accounts, these years were some of the most formative in the young McCain's life. It was here that he was learning the Pleasure and the Pain, how to be Giving it and Receiving it. Surely, no other president will be as sympathetic to the BDSM connoisseurs of the world. Subs and doms everywhere are believing in John McCain!
Finally, let us not be forgetting that John McCain is being the Pro-Life candidate. Obama is thus the anti-life candidate, the one who will be squelching every Feeling of Passion that Blooms in the Breast. Is this not what the Life is? The Love! John McCain has shown time and time again that he is Pro-Love, and that he will be stepping forward whenever a person's Right to Love is threatened. Has Obama ever said that he would be doing the same? This humble mink certainly has never heard him be saying so.
For these reasons and more, I, Ramón the Mink of Love will be voting for John McCain on November 4. To safeguard our Freedom to Mindblowing Acts of Passion, I urge you all to be doing the same. But no matter who is winning, it is important that we are quickly Kissing and Making Up aftwerwards. It has been a long and ugly campaign season, but we should remember that we are Lovers, not enemies. Perhaps when this is all over both Obama and McCain will stand together, hand in hand, supporting one another. And then they can lead us in a Graphic Act of Love that will truly be Bringing together the red states and the blue states into a single Glorious Union.♥
