Some random quotes by our friends, taken completely and totally out of context:

Mmmm.... yummy slobbery ball in my lap.
Kathy

You know, I love shrimp *so much* that sometimes when I eat it, I wonder, "Why don't they make shrimp candy?"
Graham

You can't get manlier than cheese!
Erin

It looks like Yoda is having another outbreak
Linsel

We who are about to die eat everyone.
Andromeda

Wouldn't it be nice if you could have an orgasm just by doing work?
Erin

My chakras are filthy!
Kevin

Come on, it's Portland. If there's anywhere that socks and orgasms go together, it's here.
Amanda

Man, I just saw my whole pants flash before my eyes.
Graham

Catholics, I think, are all about the orgasm.
Erin

You'll be happy to know that if all goes well, I may have cut myself with a potato.
Graham

Double Ass Satisfaction!
Kara

Make Kevin lick the cookie.
Steve

All it takes is some proto-Spice-Girls and you're good to go all night.
Brandon

You say "unnatural drive", I say "eat my bonobo!"
Andromeda

Making Robin dark is like making "My Little Ponies" about horse fetishes.
Vinay

Cows will get you pregnant, you know.
Andromeda

Bumps have degraded your oral experience!
Shawn

There are millions of beautiful women in the world, and they're all waiting for me to fuck 'em silly.
Dave

It's pretty chilly up here. I probably should have worn underwear.
Nerf

I am not the Viagra bitch.
Adam

I'm gonna get all chitty-chitty bang bang up in this mutherfucker!
Leroy

Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
Voltaire

I'm not a special handshake kind of girl.
Amanda

Kevin's hands are a sort of Viagra!
Adam

I like listening to big band jazz. It makes me feel rich.
Nick

There's nothing better than a smoking clown.
Stan

I am a flesh cylinder
Matia

You know, Liberace is kind of like Ethel Merman in reverse.
Julie

Hand me the strippers, would you?
Linsel

I could really use an anal-probe right about now.
Ben K.

Lucky I have you around. Otherwise my breasts would be all a-jumble.
Kelsey

They can suck my big fat vinyl cock.
Maris

For movers, boxes of records are like the holy grail. But when you tell them that they can't stack them more than two boxes high, that's like blue balls.
Laurence

One pointed breast is my life.
Teresa

Vietnam smelled better than you, you fucking Nazi!
Bruce

I don't like the idea of an omniscient God. I don't want God seeing what I do in my bedroom. It's my bedroom, God can stay the FUCK out!
Rob

Well, no one really wants to stand up for pedophiles.
Shawn

Nothing turns me on like Ariel Sharon.
Kate

Did you know that it's been a lifelong dream of Kevin's to try panda semen?
Kevin

Breasts are a precious thing in this world.
Kara

I have two different kinds of alcohol and a frog.
Ursula

...when all of the sudden i was ravished by a gang of wild sexual bananas!
Adam

It's an undead masturbating lemur!
Kevin

Where there's a uterus, there's a way.
Steve

It's like a yo-yo, but vaguely scrotal.
Maris

You can always extend your tentacle by pushing smarties into it.
Linsel

Cthulhu was giving me head!
Sharon

I'm just waiting for someone to get eaten by a snake...preferably some more lesbians.
Linsel

Picture having sex with someone dressed up like a leprechaun.
Adam

Ooh, squeeze my bulb.
Kevin

35¢ per minute? At those rates I might as well just let Evil take over.
Candace

Always wear a cloak when waving the gnome around.
Melinda

I'm going to my room to "manipulate the diplomat."
Ben K.

The bagel that caught the blood of Christ.
Steve

Hey now, just cause I think you're interesting doesn't mean my pants are off limits...
Allison

Why don't we just throw Chewbacca on top?
Amber

On a final note, I would like to request a moment of silence for the honor of Fromage, the noble lamb who rode Merlin to his death.
Mark

There's nothing quite like a bra full of brine shrimp.
Maris

Funny definitely crosses the Placenta.
Mark

Kevin's been blessed by the crotch of Adam!
Kathy C.

Nothing exploding out of my pelvis is going to take over the world.
Candace

I just wish that these silly breasts would settle down.
Kathy C.

That just proves that babies aren't food.
Jacqueline

I can eat poop.
Kelsey

I'm going to go "number one" and check the hairiness of my butt.
Kevin

I think I was actually in favor of Jeff eating himself.
Jeremy J.

Sometimes we both do things to the cat at the same time!
Kevin

It's against the golden rule to suck that.
Barry

Adam is just a twinkle in a rabbi's foreskin.
Kevin

Awaken my manhood!
Adam

Would you pee on Steve's hand?
Colin R.

Death to matrices!
Adam

Come and get it big boy!
Colin R.

Orifices are a privilege, not a right.
Jeff

Ooooh! Stunning cunt bonus!
Kevin

Hot penises.
Kathy G.

My esophagus is the brightest beacon of freedom in the world today.
Steve

I'm all sparkley and evil!
Jeremy J.

It's a strung up Buddha!
Patt

Thank you for touching me.
Colin R.

That's it! No more Mr. Nice Porn!
Barry

I want radioactive balls.
Kevin

You try getting them through the hole in that scrotum.
Linsel

Stay away from the pink hovergoat.
Barry

Gotta love the orgasmic goats.
Adam

There's nothing easier than incest.
Linsel

When life gives you frog people, make lemonade.
Colin T.

Hey John, if it's phallic, give it to me.
Jeff

Do you have an orange yoni, my dear?
Adam

Pie is the Switzerland of Moral Dilemmas.
Linsel

That's about the sound I'd make if some spiked penis were being pulled out of me.
Kelsey

Jesus was NOT a big anus-licker.
Linsel

Oh! I need to sex you up.
Kevin

My happy ovaries dance.
Linsel

What would a night of drunken debauchery be without a vivisection?
Candace

He makes Erik's ass hurt.
Carrie

Everyone's invited to the party in Erik's lap.
Barry

Erik does not feel the vibration in his pants...
Carrie

I'm tired of geometric love.
Candace

Friends don't let friends make bacon naked.
Carrie

Frolic naked in Colin's room? Maybe later.
Kelsey

I trust your genital sculpting ability.
Ben

I need to have an affair with Barry. Then we can have a Love Pentagram!
Adam

That's it! There's only one solution, Steve. Hot sauce up the rectum!
Barry

Unless of course Barry is the Love Master of All Time.
Ursula

Festicle!
Shawn

We all had sex with Darth Vader!
Meredith

I beat Shawn's monkey until it died.
Linsel

I'll still love you, even if you lose your septum during menopause.
Steve

Wow! Boytoy Bingo!
Barry

I miss Lewis & Clark and its condoms.
Dave

You can't spell 'practical' without crap.
Colin R.

I've got more than 100 xus in my dong!
Kevin

Can't fuck. Eating.
Adam

I'm the naked man. I'm here to give advice.
Kevin

Did you guys find a girl yet?
Sara

The religion was founded nearly 3000 years ago, before they had knowledge of microscopic orgasms.
Steve

From now on I shall be known as Vulva, Goddess of Lust.
Holly

If you love me, you'll lick my teeth clean!
Kelsey

Get away from me! You are not allowed to put your nose in my ear!
Holly

Whip it out! I wanna beat you at Scrabble.
Colin R.

There's nothing like a perfect hickey.
Holly

The light's in my pants!
Colin R.

Send that poopie straight to Hell!!
Kevin

Correct orifice, yay!!
Candace

Small breasts...gotta love 'em!
Colin R.

It's difficult to urinate when I'm trying to use the Force.
Shawn

You should give it a miniscule penis. All slugs should have one.
Candace

Let's just say that I'm the victim of menopause.
Adam

Jesus is the Lord of Menopause!
Steve

How did we get from camel's milk to mouse sperm?
Kate

Oooo! Oogly breasts!
Kevin

So many bosoms....so little time
Barry

Pause... How do you spell "incompetent?"
Erik

Ummmm...I could draw breasts!
Steve

I'm losing this game because Adam's running around naked!
Barry

"Plink, plink!" like ping-pong balls, into the bowl went his testicles.
Candace

It's amazing what can be done with breasts.
Colin R.

Bend over Planet! I'll show you eternity!
Barry

Off, foul secretion!
Steve

Let's play Fuck. It's like House, only better.
Kara

How can you demonstrate your humanity without bending helpless little furry things to your will?
Ursula

Steve, you're contemplating having sex with your brother's hand!
Colin R.

You're taking my perverse joy.
Matt R.

It's time for some sweet chicken love...
Jeff

Staring at fire helps me make love in the morning.
Barry

Hi. I exist only to have sex.
Ursula

I know perfectly well how to celebrate my nipples!
Kara

Everybody fondles my nipples!
Steve

I'm a big groin girl.
Candace

Barry... Sex!
Colin R.

Have you seen this man's chest?
Jeff

Screw me and my hot hands!
Linsel

Fuck me Jesus!
Candace

I'd rather fuck cheese than Jesus. Cheese wouldn't fight back.
Steve

Whenever I think phallic, I think of that old woman in Mexico.
Jeremy W.

Go away Mr. Pickle! You're bad!
Matt R.

Out! Get out of my sleeping bag!
Steve

You muck-luck-fuck!
Kevin

Let's clone us some perfect females--like two or three each!
Barry

If it was your last semen ever, wouldn't you play with it?
Ursula

There are only so many orifices...
Kathy G.

Have to make it look more human. This ass-to-ass thing is driving me crazy.
Candace

Do you think you can seduce her with your perverted bunny games?
Natalie

We don't have any slaves! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Colin R.

Everybody stay away from my crotch!
Steve

I have the hand-eye coordination of a fish on crack!
Matt R.

Gimme a good old Hack 'n Slash AD&D game! I wanna play a fucking Dwarf!
Linsel

I don't wanna fuck the physics major!
Jeff

But I'm from Boise, Idaho, where ultra-liberal just means I don't want to shotgun gays.
Peter

Stop giving mouth-to-mouth to my hat!
Barry

Is that a congressman in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Candace

...which we affectionately refer to as "Demon Spawn."
Matt P.

God bless those nipples! They made the movie!
Steve

I'm going to go put my penis back in my pocket now.
Barry

I'll give you five experience points if you can bugger the rabbit.
Adam

But I don't wanna fuck the Satyr.
Jeff

Jeff, you're banned from the SOFA movies.
Colin R.

Oh come on. Just fertilize her!
Matt R.

He's the undead robot of unrequited passion!
Linsel

Fetuses playing basketball. Mmmm...home court advantage.
Erik

Mess with the line and you get your head cut off!
Natalie

Look, all I know is that if I had a lightsaber everything would be okay.
Barry

And as you enter her, you'll enter God.
Adam

May squirrels never take a liking to your teeth.
Linnea

I don't wanna fuck the aliens.
Jeff

I have to go drain the druid.
Colin R.

There's nothing like a groin full of warm burritos.
Barry

Oh my god--I can see the music! And it sucks!
Jeff

Come here, sluts!
Colin R.

And the creamy peanut butter people were so obnoxious!
Candace

I love you so much, I'm helping you digest your food.
Jeff

It's only a matter of time before Colin's wearing a bra.
Adam

Maybe I could just stick a hungry rat down my trousers!
Steve

Steve, next time I drop by to say hi, I'll bring a groin cup.
Jeff

Go away Barry. You smell bad.
Colin R.

Why build a better mousetrap? Let's build a better mouse!
Jeff

Ricotta is the seed of Satan.
Steve

Fuck you and your quote page.
Candace

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